Oh Gosh.

This is how Christmas used to work for me:
Christmas Eve arrives;
We sit around waiting until 4 PM to go to my grandparents house in Columbia City where my Papa and Grandma, Cousins Joey, Elise Jordan, and AJ would wait. Oh and their father, my Uncle Joe. We'd sit around and eat Christmas Eve dinner then we'd open presents.
After that came some dessert of some kind. Then we'd leave for home, where we'd open presents under our tree. By this time it's 9 PM or so and 'time for bed' though I never sleep that early except for Christmas Eve.
Fast forward through my dreams and sleep sequences to sometime between 2AM to 5AM.
I am always the first up to go downstairs to the living room to see what has been left by 'Santa'. Everything left by Santa is set up. There is my corner, Max's corner and Haley's corner. It's quite obvious who's is who's. After rifling through my goodies, I head back to bed to sleep until one of the ragamuffins come and wake me up, thinking I am stupid enough to not have already beat them to the prize.
Anywho, then we'd have breakfast after rifling and playing with goodies again. We'd use to always go to my dad's parents house in Vancouver for Christmas day presents and brunch...

In the last three years, a lot of that doesn't happen anymore. My grandfather passed away and that same year, my grandma decided the only way to let go was drive across the country. Which she did and now does annually for Christmas... My dad's parents moved to Arizona and I rarely see my step-grandma (though I have no issues with it) or my grandfather..... My cousins; or the two eldest ones have decided to become young teen parents and disappear irresponsibly.

So Christmas has been reduced to missing and wishing for me though I am grateful for my parents and siblings. Last Christmas, a really important friend came home for Christmas and I was able to spend Christmas Eve with him and that made things... nice.

In all honesty, I can't remember a Christmas that hasn't made me feel melancholy even though winter is my favorite season and this is one of my favorite times of year...